Trigger warning: Discussions of rape, sexual violence and sexual abuse. In this episode, Kate and Claudia from The Survivors Trust discuss some of the most common myths surrounding rape, sexual violence and sexual abuse in the UK today. If you are affected by sexual violence or abuse, or any of the topics raised in this episode, you can contact The Survivors Trust national helpline for free, confidential advice on: 08088 010818.
Trigger warning: Discussions of rape, sexual violence and sexual abuse. In this episode, Kate and Claudia from The Survivors Trust discuss some of the most common myths surrounding rape, sexual violence and sexual abuse in the UK today. If you are affected by sexual violence or abuse, or any of the topics raised in this episode, you can contact The Survivors Trust national helpline for free, confidential advice on: 08088 010818.
[00:00]
Intro music.
[00:10]
Kate: Hello, and welcome to the first episode of Survivor Sounds, The Survivors Trust podcast.
We are really excited to have a space where we can share discussions about sexual violence and abuse. We hope to break the stigma surrounding this subject to help raise more awareness of the challenges facing survivors and the professionals who work with them.
Before we begin, we want to give you a warning that this podcast will address topics related to sexual violence, sexual abuse and rape. If hearing about these topics is triggering or harmful for you, please look after yourself and stop listening now. You can always revisit this podcast when you are ready.
So, today’s discussion will be hosted by myself, Kate and Claudia, my fellow team member at The Survivors Trust.
We will be diving in at the deep-end to discuss some of the myths and stereotypes which surround rape, sexual abuse and sexual violence. We will look at why they are so prevalent and we will unpick ten of the common myths we see in society today.
[01:07]
Claudia: And if you are affected by anything we’re discussing today, we would really recommend getting in touch with someone who can give you specialist advice. You can call The Survivors Trust helpline on
0808 801 0818, or find details about other organisations and helplines at thesurvivorstrust.org.
So, what are rape myths and why are they a problem?
[01:33]
Kate: Well, a myth is defined as “an unproved or false collective belief that is used to justify a social institution.” So, in this case the false belief is typically used to try to justify why an incident of sexual violence or abuse has happened.
However, the prevalence of these beliefs is incredibly toxic and is dangerous for survivors and society.
[01:54]
Claudia: Yes, and many rape myths can exacerbate feelings of shame, guilt and self-blame for survivors. And this can reduce the chances of survivors opening up about their experiences due to fears that they will not be believed or that they will be judged for what happened to them.
Concerningly rape myths are also very useful for perpetrators and defence barristers and can be used to try to discredit victims. This is incredibly damaging to survivors and the criminal justice system, which should be offering a non-judgemental, stereotype free space for survivors to seek justice.
[02:28]
Kate: So, it seems so obvious that rape myths and stereotypes are harmful, so you might be wondering why they exist in the first place. Well for some people, these stereotypes simply occur due to a lack of education and awareness about a particular topic. Often, if we are not taught about a topic, we can just try to fill in the blanks with information we see from the media or through conversations with friends. However, unfortunately, particularly in the case of sexual violence and abuse, this information is often inaccurate and very misleading.
Also, myths and stereotypes can be used by people as an attempt to understand or explain what is happening in the world around them. For most of the general public, the idea that they too are at risk of being a victim of sexual violence is too difficult to accept. Instead of accepting this risk, some people look for ways of trying to blame the victim for what happened to them. Rape myths therefore allow people to feel as though they can distance themselves from the threat of it happening to them, or someone they know.
We are starting today with one of the biggest misunderstandings surrounding sexual violence. This is the myth that “most people who claim they are victims of rape lie, or give false reports.”
[03:40]
Claudia: This is just not true. The vast majority of people who report rape are not found to be lying. Research carried out by the Ministry of Justice in 2012 estimated that only 3% of 1,149 rape cases they analysed were perceived to be malicious allegations.
[04:00]
Kate: And not only is this myth nor true, it is also very damaging, as it leads to many survivors fearing that they will not be believed if they choose to disclose what happened to them. This skews the accuracy of reported statistics on rape and sexual assault, and it also plays into the hands of abusers, who can use the myth to make their victims feel like no one will listen to them if they do come forward.
[04:24]
Claudia: Sensationalised media reporting can often trivialise what it takes for someone to make an allegation of rape. A person who makes the allegation can face abuse and disbelief. In court, intimate details about survivors are often shared in public, as an attempt to discredit their character and their account. This can be an incredibly difficult experience. So, people do not make allegations of rape lightly.
Our next myth was suggested to us on social media: “sexual assault doesn’t happen out in the open during daylight.”
[04:56]
Kate: The Instagram follower who suggested this myth to us was absolutely right. Sexual assault can happen anywhere, at any time of day.
[05:03]
Claudia: And anyone can be a perpetrator of sexual assault, regardless of race, ethnicity, age, gender, economic background, or social group.
It is more common for the perpetrator to be known to the victim, rather than a stranger.
[05:20]
Kate: Now, the next myth is vital for us to address to ensure that ALL survivors of sexual abuse get the support they deserve, and this includes male survivors. So, myth number three is that “men are not sexually abused and can’t be raped.”
[05:35]
Claudia: This myth is incredibly damaging, and can lead to feelings of shame and confusion. Anyone, including men, can be victims of rape and sexual abuse. We need to ensure that male survivors feel supported and know that what happened to them was not their fault.
[05:50]
Kate: In the UK, 1 in 6 men have experiences of sexual abuse or assault. Survivors UK are one of our member agencies, and they provide specialist support services for men, boys, trans and non-binary people aged 13 and above who have experienced sexual violence. They estimate that 12,000 men are raped in the UK every year, and more than 70,000 are sexually abused or assaulted.
[06:16]
Claudia: We also need to recognise that women can also be perpetrators of sexual violence, and regardless of whether the perpetrator was male or female, a survivor's experience is still valid and they are still worthy of support.
Oh, the next myth can be a bit of a confusing one. Myth number four: “if someone says ‘yes' to sex, they are giving their consent.”
[06:36]
Kate: Not necessarily. The person needs to give their consent freely, without being under any coercion. If someone is being pestered or pressured into having sex, and they eventually agree, that is not giving consent, because they have not done so freely.
[06:53]
Claudia: You have every right to say “no” to any sexual activity, at any time. You do not need to give any reason for this, and it should always be respected by the other person. If someone makes you feel guilty for not engaging in any sexual activity with them, that is abuse.
[07:09]
Kate: That’s such a great point and not only can you say “no” at any time, but consent can also be withdrawn. If you’ve said "yes” to sex, and then change your mind, the other person should respect your wishes and stop straight away. If you ask them to stop and they do not, that would be rape.
So next, also on the topic of consent, is myth number five. And this is the suggestion that “if you were really drunk or under the influence of drugs, you cannot claim to have been sexually assaulted.”
[07:37]
Claudia: This is just not true. It’s a form of victim blaming, and it is incredibly harmful. Nothing that you do entitles another person to sexually assault you.
[07:48]
Kate: Now, I think lots of people have seen that animation that compares consenting to sex with accepting the offer of a cup of tea; I know it crops up on social media quite often the analogy is used in schools to explain the concept of consent as well. It’s very simple, but it gives people some really good advice:
So, if someone is drunk or influenced by drugs, or unconscious, then you wouldn’t make them a cup of tea and force them to drink it. Likewise, you shouldn’t try to initiate sex or any sexual activity with them, as they are unable to give their consent. Instead, you should make sure they are warm and safe.
[08:24]
Claudia: Yeah, I really love that animation, I think it is just a perfect summary of... of consent, and it makes the whole concept of ‘consent’ so simple and easy to understand.
We received a message on Instagram that is really relevant to this subject and that follower suggested that we talk about a myth that “if a person is asleep but sound like they are enjoying it, that’s basically them giving their consent.” And of course, it’s absolutely not true – if a person is asleep, they cannot give consent. It doesn’t matter if they sound like they are enjoying it. If someone tried to have sex or engage in sexual activity with a sleeping person, that would be sexual assault or rape.
So, myth number six is that: “sexual abuse is perpetuated because people are sexually attracted to their victims.”
[09:13]
Kate: Now this is an area that people often get really confused about, but this myth is not true. Sexual abuse is about power, control and violence. It is not about desire or sexual attraction.
[09:24]
Claudia: And this is why questions about what a survivor was wearing at the time of their assault are so offensive – that is just completely irrelevant, and it is another form of victim blaming.
[09:37]
Kate: Another myth that can be used to try to falsely blame survivors for the assault is myth number seven: “if someone has an erection or orgasm, that must mean they enjoyed it.”
[09:47]
Claudia: This is not the case. Our bodies react to physical stimuli. So, if someone laughs because they are being tickled, that doesn’t mean that they enjoy it. Just like this laughter, erections and orgasms are physiological reactions, not emotional responses.
[10:02]
Kate: This is a really interesting point and it is so important, as many survivors can feel, sort of, shame around how their body reacts during an assault. And these physiological responses result from physical contact, and sometimes even from the stress they are experiencing. So, when attacked, our bodies can enter ‘hyperarousal’ mode, meaning that we are more reactive to stimuli. This is a mechanism that our body uses to keep us alive under stress, and it does not indicate enjoyment or consent.
[10:32]
Claudia: This next myth will take a look at a side of sexual violence that is still often treated as a taboo – sexual violence in relationships. So, myth number eight: “it can’t be rape if you are in a relationship.”
[10:45]
Kate: This is completely false. Consent should be sought after and given before any sexual activity, regardless of whether or not the people involved are in a relationship. If you are in a relationship with someone, that does not mean that they are entitled to have sex with you.
[11:00]
Claudia: Right, and if you had sex before, that doesn’t automatically mean that the other person wants to have sex again. Consent needs to be given every time you have sex.
[11:09]
Kate: Absolutely. Someone recently reached out to us on social media to suggest that we talk about the myth that if you love a person, they can’t rape you.
Again, unfortunately, this isn’t true. You always need consent, and if someone you are in a relationship with rapes or sexually assaults you, it is completely unacceptable, regardless of how the perpetrator says they feel about you.
[11:31]
Claudia: Survivors of any form of abuse can love their abuser, including survivors of sexual abuse and rape. So, this can be really difficult to come to terms with.
[11:38]
Kate: Sexual violence isn’t always as visibly obvious as you might think. So, myth number nine: “if there isn't physical fighting or force involved it is not sexual violence.”
[11:50]
Claudia: It’s so important for everyone to understand that not all types of sexual violence will cause physical injury, or leave visible marks. This does not make the offence any less serious and it does not mean that the experience that survivor has gone through is any less traumatic.
Sexual violence refers to any behaviour of a sexual nature which is unwanted or takes place without informed consent and understanding.
[12:17]
Kate: The term sexual violence is actually an umbrella term used to refer to many different types of sexual offences.
These include: rape, sexual assault, child sexual abuse, sexual harassment, female genital mutilation and many more.
[12:32]
Claudia: And all of these forms of sexual violence are serious crime, whether or not any physical injury is caused. They can still cause survivors distress, emotional harm and injuries which cannot be seen.
And our last myth for today, myth number 10: “there is a correct way for survivors to react to their abuse and they should report their experience.”
[12:52]
Kate: This is not true at all. Everyone will react differently after experiencing sexual abuse or assault.
Whether or not a person chooses to disclose their abuse, and if they do, who they choose to disclose it to, is up to the individual. It often takes a long time for a survivor to tell someone about sexual assault or abuse – on average, it takes a survivor of childhood sexual abuse 20 years to disclose their experience.
[13:17]
Claudia: Victims of sexual abuse are in no way responsible for the actions or any future actions of their perpetrator and should not be pressurised to report the abuse if they choose not to.
[13:27]
Kate: Deciding to report is a personal choice. Every survivor will have their own unique circumstances and personal factors to consider when making this choice.
[13:36]
Claudia: I’ve heard some people express an opinion that a survivor should ‘get over’ what has happened to them after a period of time. And this can be really, really damaging. Many survivors experience post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of the sexual abuse. Some survivors, particularly childhood sexual abuse survivors, don’t realise or remember that they were victims of abuse until many years after the assault took place. Everyone responds differently to traumatic experiences, including survivors of sexual abuse. Survivors have a right to heal in their own time and in their own way.
[14:10]
Kate: As you can see from the selection of myths we have look at today, there are far too many misunderstandings about sexual violence. We hope that by continuing to talk about these topics we can help tackle these damaging myths.
We hope you found today interesting. And please do reach out to us on social media, or by email, and share your comments about these myths we have talked about, or share any others you think we should cover in future episodes. Emails can be directed to info@thesurvivorstrust.org.
If this discussion has raised any questions for you, or you have been affected by sexual violence and would like support, The Survivors Trust helpline is available seven days a week and a member of our team would be happy to speak to you. You can find the details at on our website at www.thesurvivorstrust.org.
Thanks once again for listening, and we look forward to talking to you soon.
[15:00]
Outro music.